Our office printer jams so often we gave it a name: Janet. Every breakdown sparks a chorus of “Dammit, Janet!” and turns into the only real team-building exercise we’ve had all year. Forget trust falls — nothing unites coworkers like screaming at a machine that refuses to do its one job.

Collaboration apparently means listening to three different conference calls happening within arm’s reach while pretending you don’t secretly want to strangle your coworkers with the communal charging cable.

Newsflash: I don’t trust Kevin from Sales to catch me. I don’t trust Kevin to catch a cold.